New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn

Although each of these novels deserves its own post, I've decided to chunk them together because I'd rather move on to other series I've encountered.

So Bella continues to bite her tongue whenever she wants to express herself, Edward and Jacob fight over who is the better abusive boyfriend, insignificant people die, and the Cullen wealth solves everything.  Or something like that...

Being in Jacob's wolfy mind is fun, and Bella begins to develop as a person.  Then Edward's back, and the misery continues--in Italy.  As soon as the novel shifts continents and the Volturi are introduced, the story goes nuts.  It's no longer small-town-America-with-a-twist.  It's now Anne Rice, Jr.  Opening up Bella's world in this way doesn't work for me, especially since everything gets wrapped up so easily.

Victoria and the Volturi are not the main enemies here.  The real enemy is the Vagina.  Again, Edward must fight Bella off.  Bella must retain her ticket to heaven at all costs.  Marriage is the only fix.  No vaginal penetration must take place until they say their I-Dos.

No thanks.

The most disappointing parts for me:  1) Alice should've died; 2) Bella's final power is LAME; and, 3) the baby elicits no emotion or awe from me. 

The best parts:  1) Edward destroys pillows and bites chunks of the headboard while (finally) deflowering Bella (though she has little/no memory of it!) and 2) vampire eyes have venom.

My big question, though, as I mentioned before, remains:  How did Edward impregnate Bella if 1) vamps' blood doesn't circulate (which wouldn't allow erections) and 2) vamps have no other bodily fluids than eye venom, which Edward explicitly explains (so how could there be seminal fluids)?  The author addresses these questions on her website, but that's not good enough for me.  You can't fill plot holes after the fact.

Regardless, I can see why these books sold so well.  They maintain the romance formula that has existed since the beginning of time.  Too bad they didn't play with the convention, though, so that they could've transcended the genre.  At their worst, they're moralistic rip offs of The Vampire Diaries (more on that later).  At best, they've been the springboard for other, more capable authors to join a massively popular and steadily growing sector of literature.

1 comment:

  1. Gwen...your blog is soooo interesting and so informative that I now do not have to read any of the books you have because you have made them feel so real!!! Keep up the good work...